Sickness is no fun.  When we’re sick . . .

We feel awful, we don’t have our usual interest and enthusiasm, we can’t focus on anything very long, and we’re grumpy.

Our discomfort and pain preoccupy us.

We’re self-absorbed, we can’t think beyond ourselves very easily, and we don’t have much to give.

And sometimes we may have a hard time accepting what others have to give.

There are often no easy answers, no quick fix. Nothing really helps enough to make us well. We have to wait it out while giving our bodies what will help them fight off whatever’s going on.

When we’re sick it is truly an act of love for another to hang in there with us in this state – grumpy, self-absorbed, and unhappy. Perhaps how we hang in there with ourselves is a sign of love too.

And these are the conditions for the ordinary viruses and the flu. There are also those illnesses that are chronic, that aren’t diagnosable, or that are much more debilitating.

God bless all those who are sick! And all those who care for them.

Is there anything you have learned about yourself when you have been sick or have cared for someone who is?

King’s dream bucked the system. He worked hard for social change. He lived and died for it.

How did he manage to keep dreaming when the dream seemed so out of reach, so unattainable?

How did he even manage to have that dream?

His dream grew out of his own strengths and resources, the God-given talents he had, as well as on his Christian faith and values.

The reality of injustice, oppression, hate, and innocent suffering compelled him to continue the fight and demanded a vision of another way.

Dreaming has a cost. Investing in the future, having hope, requires giving yourself to uncertainty, trusting in an unknown outcome, being willing to believe enough and keep believing even when your dream seems out of reach.

Do you have dreams?

Do they grow out of your God-given talents and your faith?

Are they motivated by the experience of suffering?

How did they go? Did you learn anything? Grow in any way?

What went well? Don’t rush this. Really identify what you liked, what you want to keep. We often skip over this with our more acute awareness of what wasn’t so good.

Speaking of which, what do you want differently for yourself in the future?

Then, just like a pendulum that swings, we have a moment of stillness in which to pause and take stock.

Look at your current experience right at this moment or generally at this time in your life.

What do you like? What’s going well? Again, take time to identify these things. Be specific.

What isn’t going so well? What do you want instead?

As you look to the future, what do you see coming up?

Will most things remain stable? Will there be any new experiences?

 What is your deepest desire? What is your clearest need? Getting in touch with these things can help motivate you to do what’s necessary to achieve them.

And, I’m all for growth and development . . . . all year round, actually.

But today, I’m wondering what it would be like to name things that don’t need to change.

What would it be like to affirm and value the healthy behaviors you do have? Maybe you eat healthy bread or like fruit. Maybe you’re good at brushing your teeth regularly.

What would it be like to notice the ways you do move and like it?

Maybe you actually like what it feels like to walk. Or maybe you have the ability to swim or ride a bike.

What would it be like to delight in your strength and ways you are grounded? Maybe you are a good driver. Maybe you’re a good listener. Maybe people know they can count on you. Maybe you are kind.

And, once you’ve noticed the pluses, look at what helps you to do them. Think about what it means about you as a person that you do them.

Good luck with whatever changes you have decided to make. Part of doing this might be to see the related parts of your life that don’t need to change.

Maybe this will help you feel stronger and more able to make the change you want to make.

Happy New Year!

The recipient is as aware of the emotions and motivation behind the gift as what the actual gift is. How this is handled requires grace and consideration. Thus the recipient gives to the giver even as she receives a gift.

The tangible gifts you give likely required some thought and consideration.  

Are you aware of the personal and spiritual gifts within yourself, gifts you don’t have to buy?

These are God’s gifts to you and through you to others.

They are a way God has of speaking to you and guiding you in the way you are to walk.

Risk recognizing and acknowledging YOUR gifts, not the things given by others but those given by God, the grace of who you are, your aptitudes and abilities, your values and interests.

How have your gifts brought you to where and who you are today?

All of these blessings, however, come with the price of being very busy especially when you add in tasks related to your responsibilities, things you HAVE to do.

Into this state comes Christmas with traditions and customs (whether of baking, caroling, decorating, gift giving, or praying) that create more things to do.

At such a time, it can be helpful to set priorities. This is hard because you’re as much as saying some of those things on your list won’t get done.

And, it can be hard to decide what the priority is. Listening to your heart’s desire can help with that. What do you most deeply and sincerely want?

Sometimes there are competing interests. If so, try looking underneath those to see what you find. They may both have a common denominator, an aspect or quality they share. Or one thing may be necessary in order to accomplish each of them.

Once you identify your priority, do it first or as close to first as possible given other scheduled commitments.

Priorities can change from day to day or the one you identify may apply to all your days.

May you be blessed with deepening self-awareness as you await the Light and prepare to welcome it.

Sometimes “acceptance” can be felt as resignation or even despondency.

Certainly “just accept it” can be a way of coping with something that’s uncomfortable.

However, if it’s the response to your sharing something that’s upsetting to you, it feels dismissive.

The acceptance I’m feeling drawn into is a deep openness that’s peaceful and has a sense of kind regard about it.

This acceptance can be directed toward:

. . . yourself, your limits, your unique qualities, things you do well, what you value, and who you are,

. . . your experience, whether something you like or don’t like,

 . . . someone else, with either delight or tolerance.

What else might you be called to accept this week? You might notice what is especially hard to accept.

If it is hard to find this deep receptivity about anything, consider asking God for it. It is an amazing grace.

Those of you who know me know I’m not a fan of Positive Psychology which promotes the belief that you can decide what to feel. Angry about sitting in traffic? Just be happy! Feeling rejected? Choose happiness!

We deny ourselves and others the truth of our experience when we purport to “choose” happiness.

We also deny our truth if we think how we feel is our only truth and that we are helpless to influence our experience and our feelings.

Knowing there’s a bigger perspective is an important part of this but depending on the situation we may be more or less able to access it.

Appreciating what we have is another way to shift our distress. We can get distracted from it, though, by our orientation toward growth and accomplishment.  These qualities are necessary and a blessing, however, we need to help ourselves realize and value what we already have.

Without attention to our inner lives, we lose sight of what we really need. We may seek out the latest gadget and not realize we’re hungry for connection. We may focus on what we’ll get and not be aware of our need for affirmation.

The holidays are often a time of feeling sad and despondent even as the cultural message is one of joy. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

Because joy is not likely familiar or easily accessible, I’d like to suggest that you invite joy . . . consider the idea of joy . . . imagine being joyful.

And, from time to time, experiment with appreciating what you do have, try making a daily gratitude list, focus inside and find out what you really need, remember what’s essential for you, what grounds you.

Merry Christmas!

Some people swim against the tide and try to slow down the process. They wait until closer to Christmas to decorate and leave decorations up until Epiphany.  (Some people probably don’t even know what Epiphany is!)

How will you celebrate Christmas this year? Will you do anything differently?

Do you usually go with the flow or go against it?

Do you have your own rhythms that you’ve settled on because you like them?  Or do you continue family traditions?

Growing through the holidays (my theme last year and a few years ago) this year might start with noticing how you decide what to do.

Do you even get to decide or does someone else? If someone else does, do you have any role? Are there some things that are only up to you?

Christmas has so many different aspects that they are likely influenced by a variety of things.

How do your decisions about celebrating Christmas draw you closer to others, yourself, or God?

Usually not having control means not having our needs met or being harmed by that which is beyond us. We feel powerless, helpless, scared, or angry.

However, sometimes, we are the beneficiaries of things we have no control over. If our needs are met and we benefit but aren’t in charge, then what? What would a day or week be like if we noticed these things?

It makes sense that we focus on situations of helplessness and powerlessness, those times when we lack control and really need it.

When we are threatened, we need to act; and when we can’t act, we need to figure out some other strategy for survival (physically or emotionally).

It also makes sense to nurture our experience of being taken care of.

Our survival (spiritually and emotionally for sure and maybe physically too) is dependent on noticing that our needs are met, on realizing that we don’t need to be afraid as much as we are.

Our survival depends on our being grateful.

What would it be liked to develop an attitude of knowing that at times we are nurtured and cared for by no fault of our own?

Enjoy experimenting with developing such an attitude of gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving!