Falling in Love

Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and I’m off this week, I thought I’d share this quote with you from Pedro Arrupe, SJ.

Nothing is more practical than finding God,

that is,

than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with,

what seizes your imagination

will affect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings,

what you will do with your evenings,

how you spend your weekends,

what you read,

who you know,

what breaks your heart,

and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

 

Fall in love,

stay in love,

and it will decide everything.                 

                                               Pedro Arrupe, SJ

There’s “More” and Then There’s “More”

So, if the focus on “more” isn’t really good for us

–        it neither represents a truth (that the more we have the better and more valued we are)

 –        nor makes us happy (the more we have the more we feel deprived)

then where does it come from? Is there anything good about it?

Well, certainly when we want “more” of things that are sustaining and balanced (more knowledge, more ability to care, more generosity, more gratitude, and so forth) we benefit and others do too, the world is a better place.

The quest for “more” is part of growth and drives our development. From the time we are born we are growing and reaching out for “more”. From immobility to crawling to walking and so forth, the impulse towards “more” is helpful.

The challenge is to figure out if what we are striving to have “more” of is truly in our best interests and is for the good of all.

To do this we need to be able to connect with ourselves inside and discern whether or not we will feel restored and whole on this deep level if we get “more” of whatever we seek.

When we realize that what we want isn’t really what will nourish us . . . isn’t really what we need on a deep level . . . or that it would cause harm to someone else, we have to figure out how to deal with not seeking or getting or having what we want.

Sometimes we really do need more of something that we can’t have (a job or free time or choices and so forth). This requires that we deal with loss, discomfort, and even pain and has its own set of skills and capabilities.

What are you seeking these days? Is what you want what nourishes you? What do you really need? What is your deepest desire? What do you most need to hear?

More . . . More . . . More . . . and still More!

Our country and culture has excelled at acquiring more and more and more.

We have the expectation that we’ll have more than our parents did and our children will have more than we did.

It’s as if we as a people believe that having “more” will show that we have more value. We believe we’ll have more status when we have “more”.

“More” is seen as intrinsically good in itself. Why wouldn’t anyone want “more”? It’s a given. No one even considers asking the question. Isn’t getting more money . . . clothes . . . gadgets . . . always good?

Our Gospel of More has left us with consuming more of the earth’s resources per person than anywhere else on earth.  It has meant developing a larger military than all the other countries’ militaries combined.

Studies have shown that having “more” does increase our happiness if it means our needs and some measure of freedom and flexibility is met.

After this however, “more” does not contribute to our happiness. In fact the more we get the unhappier we are. We discover that whatever we have acquired is not really what we need or want.

When we get “more” we end up seeing more that we could get – more things that are available and more that others have. We end up with new ways to feel deprived and any satisfaction we got from getting “more” flies out the window.

The antidote? Notice and appreciate what we do have, truly being grateful. Experiencing how we benefit and are enriched by what we have. Really noticing that our lives are more comfortable and life is easier.

“More” on this next week!

In Sickness and in Health

“In sickness and in health” the words traditionally used to express one’s love and commitment to another in marriage have new meaning for me after being sick off and on for 3 weeks and having to take sick days for the first time in over 10 yrs.

Sickness is no fun.  When we’re sick . . .

We feel awful, we don’t have our usual interest and enthusiasm, we can’t focus on anything very long, and we’re grumpy.

Our discomfort and pain preoccupy us.

We’re self-absorbed, we can’t think beyond ourselves very easily, and we don’t have much to give.

And sometimes we may have a hard time accepting what others have to give.

There are often no easy answers, no quick fix. Nothing really helps enough to make us well. We have to wait it out while giving our bodies what will help them fight off whatever’s going on.

When we’re sick it is truly an act of love for another to hang in there with us in this state – grumpy, self-absorbed, and unhappy. Perhaps how we hang in there with ourselves is a sign of love too.

And these are the conditions for the ordinary viruses and the flu. There are also those illnesses that are chronic, that aren’t diagnosable, or that are much more debilitating.

God bless all those who are sick! And all those who care for them.

Is there anything you have learned about yourself when you have been sick or have cared for someone who is?

I have a dream

With the celebration today of the Rev Dr Martin Luther King Jr, I’m thinking of his oft quoted speech “I have a dream . . .”

King’s dream bucked the system. He worked hard for social change. He lived and died for it.

How did he manage to keep dreaming when the dream seemed so out of reach, so unattainable?

How did he even manage to have that dream?

His dream grew out of his own strengths and resources, the God-given talents he had, as well as on his Christian faith and values.

The reality of injustice, oppression, hate, and innocent suffering compelled him to continue the fight and demanded a vision of another way.

Dreaming has a cost. Investing in the future, having hope, requires giving yourself to uncertainty, trusting in an unknown outcome, being willing to believe enough and keep believing even when your dream seems out of reach.

Do you have dreams?

Do they grow out of your God-given talents and your faith?

Are they motivated by the experience of suffering?

Reviewing, Taking Stock, and Moving On

Now that the holidays are over it’s time to review.

How did they go? Did you learn anything? Grow in any way?

What went well? Don’t rush this. Really identify what you liked, what you want to keep. We often skip over this with our more acute awareness of what wasn’t so good.

Speaking of which, what do you want differently for yourself in the future?

Then, just like a pendulum that swings, we have a moment of stillness in which to pause and take stock.

Look at your current experience right at this moment or generally at this time in your life.

What do you like? What’s going well? Again, take time to identify these things. Be specific.

What isn’t going so well? What do you want instead?

As you look to the future, what do you see coming up?

Will most things remain stable? Will there be any new experiences?

 What is your deepest desire? What is your clearest need? Getting in touch with these things can help motivate you to do what’s necessary to achieve them.

Growing Through the Holidays by Not Changing

At the beginning of the year there is lots of talk about changes we want, resolutions we make, and plans for the future.

And, I’m all for growth and development . . . . all year round, actually.

But today, I’m wondering what it would be like to name things that don’t need to change.

What would it be like to affirm and value the healthy behaviors you do have? Maybe you eat healthy bread or like fruit. Maybe you’re good at brushing your teeth regularly.

What would it be like to notice the ways you do move and like it?

Maybe you actually like what it feels like to walk. Or maybe you have the ability to swim or ride a bike.

What would it be like to delight in your strength and ways you are grounded? Maybe you are a good driver. Maybe you’re a good listener. Maybe people know they can count on you. Maybe you are kind.

And, once you’ve noticed the pluses, look at what helps you to do them. Think about what it means about you as a person that you do them.

Good luck with whatever changes you have decided to make. Part of doing this might be to see the related parts of your life that don’t need to change.

Maybe this will help you feel stronger and more able to make the change you want to make.

Happy New Year!

Growing Through the Holidays by Recognizing and Acknowledging Gifts

Tangible gifts are obvious. While it seems the focus is on the recipient, the giver also has an important place. What motivated this gift? Did the giver “get” the recipient and choose something that fits?

The recipient is as aware of the emotions and motivation behind the gift as what the actual gift is. How this is handled requires grace and consideration. Thus the recipient gives to the giver even as she receives a gift.

The tangible gifts you give likely required some thought and consideration.  

Are you aware of the personal and spiritual gifts within yourself, gifts you don’t have to buy?

These are God’s gifts to you and through you to others.

They are a way God has of speaking to you and guiding you in the way you are to walk.

Risk recognizing and acknowledging YOUR gifts, not the things given by others but those given by God, the grace of who you are, your aptitudes and abilities, your values and interests.

How have your gifts brought you to where and who you are today?

Growing Through the Holidays by Setting Priorities

If you’re lucky you are interested in many things, have many ideas about things to do, and desire and motivation to do them.

All of these blessings, however, come with the price of being very busy especially when you add in tasks related to your responsibilities, things you HAVE to do.

Into this state comes Christmas with traditions and customs (whether of baking, caroling, decorating, gift giving, or praying) that create more things to do.

At such a time, it can be helpful to set priorities. This is hard because you’re as much as saying some of those things on your list won’t get done.

And, it can be hard to decide what the priority is. Listening to your heart’s desire can help with that. What do you most deeply and sincerely want?

Sometimes there are competing interests. If so, try looking underneath those to see what you find. They may both have a common denominator, an aspect or quality they share. Or one thing may be necessary in order to accomplish each of them.

Once you identify your priority, do it first or as close to first as possible given other scheduled commitments.

Priorities can change from day to day or the one you identify may apply to all your days.

May you be blessed with deepening self-awareness as you await the Light and prepare to welcome it.

Growing Through the Holidays in Acceptance

In several different ways “acceptance” has come to mind the last few days.

Sometimes “acceptance” can be felt as resignation or even despondency.

Certainly “just accept it” can be a way of coping with something that’s uncomfortable.

However, if it’s the response to your sharing something that’s upsetting to you, it feels dismissive.

The acceptance I’m feeling drawn into is a deep openness that’s peaceful and has a sense of kind regard about it.

This acceptance can be directed toward:

. . . yourself, your limits, your unique qualities, things you do well, what you value, and who you are,

. . . your experience, whether something you like or don’t like,

 . . . someone else, with either delight or tolerance.

What else might you be called to accept this week? You might notice what is especially hard to accept.

If it is hard to find this deep receptivity about anything, consider asking God for it. It is an amazing grace.